2011: A Year of Dramatic Change

So, I decided that listing some events that happened this year and how i could have handled them better may have just been another thing to add to that i could have handled better.... SO I decided instead to talk about my plans for 2011...

Change happens when you make it happen. Writing the same list of New Years resolutions every year is the equivalent of a wish list, and  it's impossible to get what you wish for unless you do something about it. The following is what i will do, not what i am hoping to do..
"if at first you don't succeed, stop "trying"...instead, create a better plan, implement, take massive action, and get it DONE."


So I am just going to copy word for word, My diary entry entitled "2011: A Year of Dramatic Change

2011 will inevitably bring about dramatic change. I will graduate, immediately leave the country, and then move somewhere and hopefully make ends meat.(the spelling is intentionally, because meat is food... I thought it was clever) Most important for 2011 is that I learn to love myself and not be afraid to do what I want in the face of criticism.(in terms of minute choices) I  must surround myself with people who support my ideas of myself, NOT who they think I ought to be. I must approach the world with a new attitude, acknowledging my mistakes and accepting them so that I can get back to what matters, my dreams. Too often I dwell on things. That is about to change. My life is mine and only I know how to be me. I must be relentless and positive. I must accept that my choices lead to my future and that I need to choose my path rather than find it. Life DOESN'T happen to me, I persist through life to wherever I go. I need to learn to accept the present at face value and not make excuses for it, (be direct and honest, without adding unnecessary reasons). I need to be me. I will do it.

----- parenthetical statements added for your benefit

OK, So I know this probably seems really obvious to basically anyone, but let's be honest; just because something is obvious doesn't mean it is easy. Now that I have this decree I can point back to it when someone says "hey lets hang out" and I say, "Sorry I need to practice".... and they say " Can't you do that anytime?" ( PEER PRESSURE IS EVIL!) And I say " Yes, but I chose this time, you'll have to wait." (JOSH EFLIN WINS AGAIN!) and use it to aid me in my relentless and rigorous pursuit of my dreams.

Too often "anytime" is just an excuse to put things off.
"Sorry, I don't have time" IS a valid reason, because I can choose how to use my time... people make time for what they want.


I am,
Josh

Coal for Christmas

You know, I never got coal for Christmas, ever. Take a wild guess as to what I asked for from every Mall Santa I ever saw.(insert guess) ________________. If you wrote a dog, you are wrong. If you wrote, peace in Africa, again you are wrong. If you wrote Coal then you are absolutely right. I really really wanted coal for Christmas, I would drop small hints to my family like " Hey, I think it would be really cool to get coal for Christmas." OR, " Hey, maybe you should get Kami coal for Christmas, I always wanted it." Alas, the coal never came.

I often tell people that when I have a child I will buy him/ her coal for christmas, and those people usually laugh until they realize I'm dead serious and then their jaw hooks slightly and a desperate look of concern for the future strikes their face. "That's not nice"....

The reasons I wanted coal:
I learned at a young age that Santa "wasn't real." I was that kid who shakes the presents trying to guess what was inside, pushing buttons on things and trying to figure it out. Then, at the wondefully young age of 4 I discovered a WHOLE WEEK before Christmas that there were already 2 gifts under the tree whose "from" read... "from Santa" at first I think I just figured Santa couldn't realistically fly around the world in one night so he must either A) start a week early and visit a different continent a night, or B) that Santa just magicked them into the house.. I mostly thought it was B.... until i mentioned it to my mom, and she said "Oh shit, I meant to write from MOM"

Wanting coal in some ways stemmed from this, because I knew only Santa would have the courage to be honest enough with a spoiled child to give him/ her coal.

A) Wanting coal sort of kept my belief in Santa alive.
B) Wanting coal made me feel smarter than everyone else-
I knew that nobody got coal which made it highly covetted. I rationalized that no average or reasonable parent would buy this for their child because adults think children are dumb and that this scene would occur:

"Santa gave me coal daddy, nobody loves me"
"but we love you son"
"BUT YOU'RE NOT SANTA!!!!" ( then the parents collapse in tears upon realizing an imaginary figure is of more importance to their child than they are, the child rips out his eyes and jumps out the window while the parents cry about their worthlessness)

That is dumb.... That would never happen....  I knew that, I hoped my parents knew that. So I wanted what nobody else got, the beloved coal!!!!!

C)I would have something to brag about. Yes friends, If I had received coal I really would have told EVERYONE at school how happy I was about it. I probably would have drown a face on it so when everyone else was playing with their pet rock I would be playing with my slightly more poisonous and slightly more flammable pet coal.


I contend that it is totally OK to give my child a lump of coal because
A) Your child is probably not an idiot and will either get the joke, think its awesome, or reevaluate just how naughty or nice they really were and improve for next year.
B) If the child doesnt "get it" whats the worst that could happen? certainly not that scenario above. And it will be a family joke years later
C) My kid, fuck you.
D)If you had gotten coal would you really have cared?

I'm not saying it should be the only gift, (although getting 50-60 lumps of coal would have been hilarious) but why not instigate interesting life stories in your child's life?


Granted, this argument was presented horribly but salesmanship isn't everything.



Josh

PS. Review of 2010 to come as well as goals for 2011..... also I'm trying to find a direction I want to take this whole blogging thing in.. It's kind of lame as of yet... Suggestions? Stories from childhoood? ( poop in my baby sitters flowers? Flag the cafeteria in 2nd grade? almost get expelled in 5th grade?  or maybe an analysis of day to day moments and what to learn from them? Creative writing such a poetry or brief stories, such as the tarantulasaurus rectum or the grimmacing spork?

Dangers of Break

Written Monday------ Today is a bad day. Guess what I have done today? Very little. Sure I practiced singing, and worked on a song I'm writing, I worked out and I went on a walk with my grandma. But that stuff only took about 2 hours total.

I have now been awake for 7.5 hours.

What did I do during those other 5 hours.... well the worst part is I HAVE NO IDEA.
This is a big problem,
Murphy's law for clutter- Clutter will expand to fill the space/time it is given. ---- end Monday segment

I couldn't let my stupidity be my downfall again, so I dove into myself and made some changes. A big part of the problem is not having any real commitments(immediate commitments). Not having commitments gets me in the mindset of " I'll just do it later"... HORRIBLE! AWFUL NO! AH! I  noticed this happening and  my soul punched me in the face...

This is also my biggest fear after I graduate college. I tend to look at letting other people down as a bigger disservice than letting myself down.  When I got to college I  noticed that I would have something to do and feel really great about starting it. I would start, get five minutes in, and then someone would call me and ask to hang out, and If I told them I couldn't I would usually  be ridiculed in some way, because I could "always do it later." The funny thing is that "later" never came.

This winter break is different. I have already refused 2 proposals to hang out because I wanted to read, or needed to work on memorizing; and while i felt slightly guilty at first, I felt infinitely less guilty than had I  hung out and not gotten my work done. In some ways I felt like a true bad ass, a real man (I just read a whole book!! YES!) or (HAHA I have Conquered the HEMIOLA!) I even noticed my chest hair starting to come in!

So there you have it folks, I'm learning the importance of the Scientific Method. Observing things (within myself) and finally changing the things I don't like. Now that I know that i can be whoever I want, I can make whatever changes I want. Awesome.

In the next few posts, I'll  be outlining what I have learned in 2010, what went well and what didn't and My goals for 2011 and how I'll achieve them.

Until then, have a Happy Christmas, a Crazy Kwanza, Bodacious Boxing day... etc. with all the holidays..

Josh

Adventures with Mema

For the second time in my life, this morning, I woke up to my Mema ([mima] grandma) screaming bloody murder. Who was she screaming at you ask? ME. Well she was screaming for me but not at me. You see, my grandma was asleep, stuck in a dream within a dream within a dream (one of my biggest fears) and screaming for me to wake her up.

This might seem odd to some of you, but it happens to me all the time, where I think I'm awake only to find I can't open my eyes, I'll even walk out of my room, put on clothes in these dreams. The strange thing is that in these dreams I am always very drowsy and unable to open my eyes, then I realize I'm asleep  and open my "real" eyes (the eyes on my physical body) get up, stumble around a bit... pinch myself. You know, standard check stuff. Then I'll realize that I'm actually still asleep when I keep falling over(guess those weren't my physical eyes), I'll wake myself again, to find myself still in my bed, thank the Lord I am awake..... the cycle repeats itself, then again, and i start to think I'll never wake up.. I usually wake up by the 5th time.... (note: when i pinch myself to check if I'm really awake... I DO feel it: proof that I can never really know.)

Anyway, my grandmothers reaction to these dreams isn't as passive as mine... she is screaming "AHHH WAKE ME UP!" I shake her violently,harder than I think her osteoporosis ridden bones can handle, and she still doesn't wake; not until I PUNCH HER IN THE FACE......yeah.......

I think it's called sleep paralysis, and I'm going to look into it. I wonder if this happens to other people?

Anyway I brought it up, because it's always been my fear that I would live my whole life only to wake up still in my freshman year dorm room (story as to why to come later). Can I ever really be sure that I(punched my grandma) am ACTUALLY living my daily life in the waking world? Does it even matter(that i punched my grandma)? If I'm having fun does it matter if it's real? What is experience, and is waking experience significantly different from dream experience?

I have no idea.(why I am a)

Grandma Puncher,

Josh

Just kidding about punching her in the face.. No granny's were harmed :)

Goal Setting

When I was in 10th grade I recored this.... Embarrassing goals ( I can't figure out how to imbed the audio file so for now you'll have to download it)

Ok, Laugh all you want..... ok...

Anyway, I thought it was sort of cool that I was setting goals conciously as a 10th grader, but I was realizing some of the flaws in them
The first problem with this is that these goals are not quantifiable. Losing weight or gaining weight, is as easy as pooping (lose 3 pounds) or drinking a gallon of water(gain 8 pounds)... However I do correct this immediately to say "lose fat" and "gain muscle". Anyway, I set no quantity of fat to lose or muscle to gain, so in alot of ways my goal doesn't have a definite ending point. In other words, I could lose 3 pounds of fat and decide thats enough and then just stop because well after all... I DID achieve my goal.

I've learned that it is much easier to stay dedicated to a goal if is quantifiable. "I'm going to lose 10 pounds of fat." It does get a lot harder when dealing with singing, because during the process of singing I must rely on sensations to determine if it is good or not, thereby necessitating subjectivity in goals.

 But, even in this case it is good to pick a single aspect to focus on as a goal. "today i will focus on alleviating tongue tension" So while it's not perfect, it's better than just saying " I'm going to sing better today"  I find that by always asking myself how or how much, i can keep much better focus.

Another problem with this audio clip, is that these goals do NOT have a definite expiration date. When exactly is the "end of the fall," and which fall... fall just ended. maybe i meant next fall?

By adding in a due date or a deadline for your goal, you raise your level of commitment to yourself. It's very easy  to do things entirely for others, but when it's time to do it for yourself, jut put it off until later. When this happens to me, i find i am overcome with boredom and aimlessness.

Ok, so before this turns into a lecture, I wanted to state some of my theories of what a makes an "awesome" goal.
1. 90% of your goals should be either quantifiable, or concrete.. nothing abstract like "success" or "making money"
2. goals should be set with a "due date."
3. Personal goals should always be taken more seriously than implied goals. (more on implied goals later)

Why is this relavent Josh? And  why are you writing a self help blog??!!?!? like seriously omgomgomg wtf?!

Well dear friends, I wanted to expand on my theory of awesomeness. Hurdling Lemmings after all is exactly what it sounds like. Striving to break free from the lemming followers that we've all been so encouraged to be. "hurdle" over them, if you will.

Goal setting is unequivically important to being awesome. Being awesome involves being the best you you can be, which DOES NOT equate to, oh well I'm going to be lazy and sloth like because I'm awesome and I can do whatever.

Awesome- "The ability to inspire awe in ones self and in others".. Thats Brad pilon's defintion.. Check out his blog at bradpilon.com ...

So anyway, a person constantly striving to better himself/herself  through the setting and acheiving goals is doing just that, inspiring himself, and others to do the same. In some ways that is why I started this blog. I want to document my life and hopefully learn meaningful things from it that I can impart to my beloved reader audience.

In the future there will be alot more current stories and the posts will probably be more witty. I just wanted to figure out a way to include that audio clip and goal setting in a post.

I am,

Josh

Everything happens for a reason...no

For as long as I can remember anytime anyone said the phrase, "everything happens for a reason" I got noticably annoyed. ESPECIALLY when people use it to justify unjustifiable things. " Oh, your husband beats you... well, everything happens for a reason ( SMILES!)" or "Hey! Your friend died, well don't worry about it, he died for a reason."

The biggest problem with the statement is that it assumes that A) Fate exists, along with other fluffy bunnyrabbit concepts, B) That fate and freewill can coexist, which I can't see an logic in explaining. (the closest I've gotten is that life is like a tree and you choose the branches as you go, but there are way to many holes in this... ie. interaction and the human element are missing.) And C)  That there is a relationship between how people react to an event and the reason for the inciting incident ( retroactively)I am a fervent believer that each person on this earth creates his or her own oppurtunities by the way the choose to react to stimuli. This is fundamentally different from stimuli occuring to give people the option to choose the right thing.

The reason why we say things like "everything happens for a reason" is to mask the fact we feel largely out of control in life. It's a cop-out. "oh, well, my best interest is being looked out for by a "reason" so I shouldn't worry."

Why not instead, accept the fact that the reason a thing happened can't be traced to its outcome but only to its causes, evaluate the situation, and then learn from the situation, and use it to help people. there is a saying, "you can't change the hand you are dealt, only how you play it." I love this saying
because it forces us to accept responsibility for our lives.

I short, reasons are purposes for actions. Sometimes actions have no purpose (If I trip on a rock and break my teeth falling on the ground.) So it makes no sense for me to say, well I tripped on that rock so I could learn to be humble.. No, I tripped on that rock because I was skipping and am largely uncoordinated and THEN learned how to be humble because of it. There is a HUGE fundamental difference in these sayings.

It's just something that has bothered me since preschool, so I thought I'd right about it. Instead of letting events be responsible for your life, give yourself the control to take charge and make personal decisions to grow. Don't let someone tell you that "things happen for a reason" before a reason has been realized, because that's proof that there was no reason. Make your own reasons to live.

I'll post again tomorrow,
Josh

A trip to Walmart

Yesterday, Brandon and I decided to make a booze run because we are finished with this semester after today. I'm not sure if this is true, but I believed that ABC stores were closed on sunday so we went to Walmart instead to get some tasty beer. Walmart delivered unto us three very unique personalities. You, fond reader, will only learn of two.

Story #1) A relatively short woman with  a stain on her left incisor in the shape of a walrus who will henceforth be known as "Midge." Midge approached us and in a breathy but matter of fact tone said, "Hey kids, do you have a phone I could borrow?" After the initial bafflement of being called "kids" even though we were clearly in the beer section, we sort of glanced at each other and shrugged a hesitant yes. " Wait, I dont know if I have the number." As we waited, and she sifted through her pockets for  the number, she asked us "Hey, are you going to the liqour store?"  (Immediate thought: What? can't you buy your own booze Midge?  you just called us kids, so why would you ever assume that we would even be able to buy you alcohol. DUMB) I then realized she was probably asking for directions and the joke was on me... Fuck. Anyway, she made her call and left.  Brandon and I went back to the entrance to get a cart  and there was Midge, sort of grunting inconspicuously at us as if to say, "Ugh, now I'm obliged to say hello."

Story #2) We get our cart, and make out way back to the beer section. Upon our arrival we decide instead of buying beer, we'll just buy EVERY 40oz Hurricane they have. so 11. The entire shelf of Hurricanes, gone. Anyway, an old woman watched us carefully,(Immediate thought: crap-ola this old woman thinks we're drunkards... judgement!!) But alas,instead we were greeted with " Oh hey! That stuff must be good!"
" No, Just cheap," We retorted.
"Oh, well I hope I get invited to the party," she said....Hold on... This in itself is awesome, not only was her judgement a positive one,  but she was also trying to hang out with us!.. YES!
      
Anyway, we get to talking to her, and she ends up giving us a business card. She was Mark Warners Campaign advisor, or something like that. AND she  is going to help us find awesome things in Europe!!!! She is writing a book called, "Don't Pass a Bathroom Without Using It" She described why that was the title and what it meant. It made me think alot about spontaneity. If I hadn't decided to drive Brandon and I to ABC, we would never have ended up meeting this woman, talking to her, and receiving her business card.  It just wouldnt have happened... At least not yesterday. I just made a choice. Followed through on an action, and let it lead me where it did. It was an adventure.

This leads me back to our quote,"For as soon as we have used an opportunity and have actualized a potential meaning, we have done so once and for all. We have rescued it into the past wherein it has been safely delivered and deposited."- Viktor Frankl- Man's Search for Meaning

I am becoming a fervent believer that any action is better than no action. When I look back on my life so far, I tend to regret the things I didn't do, more than the things I did. I regret the times where I was afraid to make a decision, or didn't stand up for myself, much more than staying up until 4 am on various nights just to hang out, or to go on an adventure; even though I had a big test the next day or surgery, or something. (I had two cheeseburgers the morning of my wisdom teeth removal. I was unaware that this choice would mean that I would have to get them removed with local anesthetic instead of silly gas. It was scary but awesome; and I was a champion.) Because at the end of my life the big test won't matter at all; and those times when I went on an adventure, or hung out with my friends, will prove to be far more valuable. They already are.


Until thursday,
Josh

"Hate" crimes

In the discussion section of my U.S. history class the teacher asked the class if there was a fundamental enough difference  between hate crimes and other crimes to justify their separation from eachother. We were dealing specifically with the Matthew Sheppard incident at Laramie. It's a gen ed so I didn't really care to answer the question, as I find it much more entertaining to hear what other people have to say.

I was shocked....

The typical answer went something like this, " yeah, I like definitely think there is a huge difference between a hate crime and just a murder, you know? It's like when it's just a murder, we kind of expect that, but when it's a person who was killed because they were gay or something, that makes it so much worse."

I was so deeply disturbed at the number of people who said things like "Just a murder" or that even entertained the notion that  these "just murders" are somehow more acceptable because it is unreasonable to assume a society exists without violence. This is complete and utter nonsense. I immediately raised my hand and fought hard against this notion. I said something like, "all murders, unless the killer was mentally disabled or crazy, are committed out of hate. It is for this reason that designating "hate crimes" separate from other crimes seems misguided, because all crime is bad. A hate murder is not inherently worse than any other murder. It's like what Morgan Freeman say's about black history month, why can't every month be a month to celebrate everybody's history. It fosters more racism by separating itself from other histories. Similarly I think calling a crime a "hate crime" lends itself to more prejudice."

Immediately after that, people started saying things like "just murder" again. and it just really bothered me that people answer questions the way they think they are supposed to be answered rather than what they actually think a lot of the time. Or no one really picks an opinion, its always this safe, "If I don't say it's justified, then people will think I hate gay people."   So I raised my hand again,  and openly questioned the general morality of the class, how could they say "just a murder"....

I then realized that i didn't have to feel bad about it, because I just wrote a blog post about how i don't like prescribed and implied morality for myself, and that I can make my own decisions.

I will leave you with a quote- "Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now!"  Viktor Frankl- Man's Search for Meaning




Josh
 SNEEK PEAK FOR NEXT TIME!!!

 " For as soon as we have used an opportunity and have actualized a potential meaning, we have done so once and for all. We have rescued it into the past wherein it has been safely delivered and deposited."- Viktor Frankl- Man's Search for Meaning

The difference between Awesome and Good

I once had a friend who vowed to be an "awesome influence" on me; and that our mutual friend would be my "good influence." I didn't quite understand the difference. However, now, after 3 years I'm beginning to understand. Obviously this is just my opinion and you, gentle reader, can take it or leave it. I'm not here to choose for you, that would make us both less awesome.

What is "good"?
For me, the word good imposes rules on me that I would much rather disregard. In other words, the rules; or set of moral values that the word good implies tend to generalize a certain morality to a group or culture. It is a set of rules that I can't change, and if i choose not to follow them then i cannot and will not "shine in society" as my Grandma would say. Silly story- My Mema (aforementioned Grandma) once tried to school me on the rules of wiping my face after a meal. Her lesson consisted of me holding a napkin to my lips, moving it somewhat in the fashion of a begging seal, smiling with pursed lips and then delicately placing the napkin back into my lap. " do this or you won't shine in society." (I was 8 at the time) I tried to explain to her that shining in society was not my goal and was met with criticism.- This has always been my problem with the word good, the concept of political correctness, and social norms. In essence the word good, forces me to conform to the "standard" definition of the word. Thereby limiting everything about me that is me because of an ingrained fear that what I do might not be considered "good" and then someone somewhere might judge me harshly for it.

Awesome on the other hand, is not limiting at all. I can be awesome however I want to be and therefore happier because of it. People might not like my newly found liberty, but that is because they are too worried about being "good." If I decide that I want to stay up really late to see if I can consume an entire pound of bacon grease, then by God- I will.  Is this a "good" decision.. hell no. But an awesome one indeed. The awesome thing to do is based on each individuals personal set of scruples. Being awesome involves not only standing out from the crowd, but doing so proudly. So often we are asked to accept that "that's the way it is" and there is nothing we can do to change it.  But all individuals can and should strive to change the world, to revolutionize the way that humans think about problems and to actively strive to make the world a more enjoyable place to live in.  It's really easy to do things just because that is they way they are done.. but isn't that the same as jumping off the bridge just because someone else did?

In order to be awesome, all you have to do is realize that you already are awesome. Every single person is awesome, and has the potential to inspire other people to be just as awesome. So instead of actively suppressing your inner awesome, give yourself permission to be your best you. Whatever that means.

Josh

P.S. Blogging is going to be fun.