Lunchtime follies (Elementary School tales)

I've never thought so, but for my whole life people have always told me that I was weird. I never really thought so, but people still tell me that I'm one of the weirdest people they know...I would probably just say that I have more doubt, literally every thought I have comes with an antithesis. 

Anyway, that was a boring tangent I was about to start. I just wrote four or 5 boring self analytical sentences that have nothing to do with lunchtime follies. So- Ladies and Gentlemen, lunchtime follies! (proof that I'm weird, or not weird, whichever you choose. They seem like normal stories to me)

kindergarten- I decided I would join a tribe or warriors. No one else wanted to join. Instead of dropping it I joined anyway. I, the lone warrior of the cafeteria tribe, ripped open my chocolate pudding, smeared it all over my face and let loose a guttural shout that would have scared the worlds most docile mountain lion. I'm assuming a docile mountain lion would be harder to scare than a ferocious humming bird, so I picked the lion. 

I got in trouble

1st grade- I have always been very competitive, gullible, and easily frustrated; especially when told I was a liar. A few of the guys at the lunch table told me I was a girl. The typical response might be something like, "No I'm not!" This would then be followed by a bus ride home full of tears and a poor pitiful life in which I blame everyone else for my problems, proclaiming, "no one understands me," and "life is so hard."

Instead, I argued with them for five minutes about my gender... And YES!! I think sex is gender are synonyms. Anyway. I stood up on the table and pulled down my pants. Now they  KNEW I was a man

2nd grade- I called the lunch lady a stick in the mud because she was, and then blamed someone else.... He got in trouble... hahaha...  (He did actually say it first, I just say it WAY louder.)

5th grade- I've had this problem my whole life that when I laugh really hard I urinate. This kid told me a joke, it wasn't even that funny. but I started laughing hysterically. I pissed my pants so hard that it looked like I jumped in a pool. Literally, the entire back of my pants were soaked AND I left a puddle in the seat. I actually think I wet my bed last night too.... oops..

Josh